Outsider's Guide to Disney World


Some observations that you might find useful on your next trip to Disney World:

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1) In the Biergarten in Epcot's Germany, go ahead, let caution into the wind and dance a polka with your 5 year old. Trust me, the German kid in Lederhosen who brought you your Öskar Mäyer and sauerkraut is in no position to laugh. 


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2) Non-ambulatory diabetic smoker? The best place to meet others like you is by the entrance to the ferry for Tom Sawyer's Island. There are a number of easily accessible sand-filled ashtrays and there's an ice cream cart right across the sidewalk. 


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3) Think of Disney World like Switzerland: the smiles aren't real, but the trains run on time. Remember, they're not "employees," they're "cast members," like in a play. 


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4) Don't expect to hear a single southern accent during your trip. Yes, geographically Florida is a southern state, but in reality, it's just a exceptionally hot and humid version of Jersey, yo. 


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5) Numerous studies have shown that for a newlywed couple without kids, a trip to Disney is the most effective method of birth control. 


Copyright 2013 Paul J. Rasmussen