Playground Gangs
5 elementary schools gangs all parents need to know about
Most parents have heard of high-profile schoolyard crews like the Shady Grove Gossip Queens and the Kickball Titans. But there are a number of lesser-known gangs that also threaten to turn any school yard into a killing zone. …
Sesame Street, NPR and the F-Bomb
Excuse me Ernie, I didn't quite catch that
TV and computers are like cough medicine: they do a great job keeping your kids quiet, you just don't want other people, especially their teachers, to know how much you give them. You don't want to undo all the hard work you've put into maintaing the facade of a conscientious parent.
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Little Johnny's "Real" Report Card
What's a nice way of saying "illiterate sociopath"?
All children have different learning styles. Some are "visual" learners, some are "auditory" learners. I found that Johnny, like most lazy children from bad homes, responds best to a spray bottle filled with bleach.
Choosing the Right Prison
Forget what you've seen in the movies.
High school seniors, it's time to start planning for your future. June will be here before you know it. So what's it going to be? College, trade school, the military? All fine choices.
If you're a punk.
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Two Reasons Not to Like Halloween
Some people are always trying to kill the fun.
There are many reasons not to like Halloween. The top two? Pirates and trick-or-treating.
I don't know why so many adults insist on dressing up as pirates for Halloween. I don't care for pirates--not even slutty lady-pirates--because with pirates comes pirate talk. …
Over-Rethinkning Mother Goose
Dude, that's some heavy stuff.
I love Mother Goose. She's dark.
A lot of of those rhymes go back centuries and deal with some nasty subjects. "Ring Around the Rosy," as you might know, is really about the Black Plague. The "ring" line refers to the nasty red rash that's the first sign of illness. …
Oedipus and The College Essay
Make your application pop!
Across the country, ambitious high-school seniors are filling out their college applications. Exciting times. The key to a good application is a good essay. Any Joe Cliffnote can score 800 on the math portion of the SATs, but not everybody can write that killer essay that will push an application over the top. …
Cheating on the SATs
College entrance exam crime syndicate busted!
Police on Long Island have arrested seven kids for cheating on the SAT college entrance exam. Six high-school students allegedly paid 19-year-old Emory University wiz Sam Eshaghoff (the charming lad to your right) up to $2500 to take the SATs for them using fake IDs.
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Is College Worth It?
To put it another way, why am I so darn interesting?
The cost of a four-year college degree, at both public and private institutions, is growing at an unsustainable rate. I don't really know how inflation works, but I know that $43,000 a year (room and board extra) is ridiculous, especially if you graduate not really knowing how inflation works. …
Cool Tunes for Young Hipsters
From Boccherini to Bauhaus: My kid's playlist is cooler than yours.
The first music I bought on my own was AC/DC's Back in Black. (You can keep your comments to yourself, thank you very much.) I didn't know anything about the band except that the degenerate eighth-graders at the back of the bus always talked about them. …
Music to Keep The Romance Alive
Nick Ashford, a banjo and a married couple walk into therapy...
August 22nd saw the passing of Nick Ashford. Ashford and his wife Valerie Simpson co-wrote some of Motown's greatest hits, including "Reach Out and Touch (Somebody's Hand)" and "You're All I Need to Get By."…
Taking British Humor on the Road
Road narrows? Wait...this is a road?!
The Brititsh have a great sense of humor. Wry and witty, they'll keep a straight face while telling you something completely absurd, and then have the good taste not to laugh too hard once you realize you've been had. …
Special Gifts For a Special Lady
Goddess is alive and magic is about!
I don't know what my wife bought to get on this mailing list, but I'm glad she did. The catalogue is called The Pyramid Collection. It's not just for Halloween. It has is all: Myth, Magick (that's how insiders spell magic), Fantasy and Romance. and know the difference between witch and wiccan, this is the catalogue for you. …